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Pathetic was the word, if I ever choose to describe my life in one word. I'm not ashamed of it, because I'm simply allow me to accept my life. It's like living with a disease you can't cure, you might as well as adapt to it. This is when it all begins, the summer of 1998.

The hard beat ponds from the speaker, I listen to those familiar voices. Yeah,  just another Backstreet Boys' song. I thought to myself. Trying my best to memorize the lyric, because soon enough everyone's gonna be singing it. That was my goal, to know anything of everything. In short terms, be as popular as I can be. But don't get me wrong, my social life was fine. But people can never get enough of popularity, neither can I.

"Hey I never knew that the BSB had another single." I said to Mel, my best friend ever since Gr. 6 when she moved here.

"Dummy, this ain't BSB. Well at least as far as I know." Mel said, looking at me like I'm some kind of idiot who doesn't know the BSB history of songs. Which I didn't.

"Then who does?" I asked, I never questioned on Mel's knowledge for pop music. Simply because she was the biggest teenybopper around.

"Why don't you listen to the DJ after the song is over? I'm not your unlimited encyclopedia for pop music." Mel complained.

"Sure you are. You probably don't even know now do you?" I teased.

"Of course I do! It's some band named 'Nsync, and this is their first single. There you happy now?" Mel looked pissed. One of the things I hate about her was that she always took everything so serious.

"Hey! This ain't fighting over Brian Littrell, so you can calm down Barbie!" I start cracking up at the thought of her crazy obsession for boy-bands.

"Oh shut up would you?" Then she joined in on the laughter. Aside from she's a pop-music-freak, Mel is fun to hang out with. Someone you can laugh with, and that was exactly what I needed.

It wasn't until Monday when I heard the name 'Nsync again. Just like I thought, all the girls were giggling and gossiping at the new boy-band some record company have just produced. Personally, what I thought of the them at the time was unoriginal. We all know that the first boy-band started just before they did, since the pop music have gotten hotter and hotter, the music industry probably thought they could make more money with a copy. But it didn't matter what I think of them, because I wouldn't dare go up to the homecoming queen and tell her that they suck, while she goes on and on about how the first time she heard "I want you back".

Before I know it, I was chatting with bunch of girls about Freddie Prinze Jr. and of course "the hip new 'Nsync". I must admit, even though this is not the most exciting conversation I had, but I was enjoying getting attention from the crowd. It's like that feeling of in-control, and acceptance to something new. And it felt good.

Popularity, we all know it comes and goes. And usually, when the least time you expected them to change. In this case, 'Nsync was out of the conversation when I started to like them. Just like the fact that I'll never be as popular as I would like to be, but it didn't get to me. At least I didn't let it, I just moved on to something else. Like my attraction to 'Nsync.

I have no idea when I started to realize I was enjoying their music, not addicted but attracted. I didn't think it was their music got me hooked; it was more about the face. Pathetic it might be, but the first thing I notice from people is their face. In which case, it was the blue eyes that did the trick. It started out as a celebrity crush, the one that last for 2 weeks. As the first weeks I passed by, I went to search for as many information about 'Nsync and JC as I can. During the process, the feeling gain. It became so heavy that I couldn't get over him, I didn't think I want to. Then I felt myself beginning to change. I started to lose my focus, my control. It felt wrong, but it's not something that I can do about. Because I was simply not in control of my life anymore, so I let it go. And it drove itself wild.